Well now. Its been some time since I've written anything and for that, my cherished readers I apologize. I have been without internet since mid-december and only got re-connected today! But wow, what an adventure Ive had in that time. Its been an incredible spiritual Journey. You see, after I went offline for a while I moved 1,800 miles from Reno NV to Houston TX. Very shortly after my online presence dissipated I made one of the most rewarding changes of my life. I went from being a very spiritually aware agnostic, to a devout Buddhist. And let me just say, I have never been happier. I have read a book called "The art of Happiness" by his Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet and Howard Cutler. It is basically a how to manual for achieving ultimate happiness. The kind of happiness that can only come from within. Since then I have drastically altered my plans in life and overall demeanor. Before, though spiritual and kind indeed, I was cruel, heartless and obsessed with money in comparison to now! I now plan to live the life of a spiritual hermit. Living on perhaps 150-$250 a month. Only enough to cover my basic needs such as toiletries, property tax and food I cannot grow myself, by renting a space on the land our family is going to buy and offering lessons In spiritualism and gardening to a willing apprentice. Almost as a monk in many ways. I would pursue monkhood but I do not feel like the traditional monastic lifestyle is for me. I am so at peace right now with everything in my life, that whether I have money or not means nothing in my heart, and I am happy inside regardless of outside circumstances. I don't know how It is that I never figured it out myself, but his Holiness really described the way to be happy in plain and simple directions. I highly recommend that book to everyone. I'll cover that in more detail in another article though.
This life of pure, unrestrained, and unselfish service to others and dedication to a spiritual life turns out to have been the ultimate goal to my happiness in life. I haven't even started yet and I feel almost overwhelmed with so much weight lifted off of my shoulders. I must learn a great deal about the buddhas teachings in the next five years, but for a practitioner of all of 2 1/2 months Id say I have an excellent grasp on the basics of his teachings. But I know I still have a very long way to go. I still get angry, I still feel lust toward the opposite sex and I still have moments of greed just as anyone else does. But these things are fading for me and fading quickly at that. Speaking of the opposite sex, I have taken a completely passive approach to dating, and now debate on whether I will bother seeking romantic love in my life at all. As I studied the Buddhas teachings I began to wonder about the desire for love, and how much that had made me suffer. Being here in Texas where my friends are has reminded me that good friends can mean as much to a person as a spouse without near as much put into having them. I refer back to my article "the real power of real friendship" in which I mentioned the incredible power of true friends. Seeking a mate is a long, complicated and tedious process, and the compromises I would have to make in my life to attract a woman to my side may not even be worth it for me personally. But having good friends handy has soothed my loneliness and all that remains of that desire is shameless sexuality. In reflecting on this, I realized that perhaps for me, a female companion is simply not in the cards. Despite how wonderful love can be, it can be very... distracting to one seeking spiritual enlightenment. I don't know that I can accomplish this by handing 50% of my being over to someone who is not equally dedicated to doing so. And for that reason I believe I may choose to remain single. That being said, If I meet an amazing girl who sees my way of life as something to be treasured and wishes to live the same way alongside me I would be open to such a love, but I have ceased actively pursuing romance, and that alone opens up many many possibilities for me.
Since beginning to walk the path, I have known great patience, tolerance, and compassion. And I did not realize how closed off and selfish I still was. It has always been a belief of mine that surprising yourself is an extremely good feeling. And yes I could say, "wow, was I really still that bad?" but I prefer to think, "wow, look how much Ive improved as a person in such a short time! I didn't know I was capable of such great compassion!" Because of this, my powers of empathy have grown even stronger. In many ways It feels like I was born to be a buddhist. How quickly and easily I grasp these concepts and how natural it feels for me to let go of anger and see the good in all beings is very unusual. It seems that many people cannot control these things without a great deal of effort. however for me it comes so naturally I almost do it instinctively. That does not mean however that I will allow myself to become arrogant and complacent. after all, my awakening is for the sake of all beings as well as myself, as is a popular buddhist concept. I love the path that the Buddha has layed before me. It is free of judgement and guilt. Free of harsh rules and inflexible traditions. And It is based on truth, not blind faith. It fills me with hope, for myself, for the ones I love personally and for the entirety of the human family. We are all equal, we all deserve happiness. There is much to come from now on dear readers, thank you for staying by me, thank you for reading. namaste ^^ see you next time!
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