Hello dear readers! This time I want to share some wisdom I have gained on one of the most important aspects of modern society, love. Specifically romantic love in this case. While it can be a wonderful thing that brings great joy in life, it's one of those things that can be toxic if you go about it wrong. The sad truth of the matter is that MOST people go about it all wrong. I have seen people young and old, truly and deeply in love and it still brings a tear to my eye. Lets face it, without it humanity could not survive. People fall in love, they mate, and they raise children together. And the better they are raised the better chance they have at life. Love is an essential part of this formula. Now yes, it can still happen without "true" love as a factor, but honestly, can two lovers be truly happy if they don't sincerely love one another? I should think not!
Many people seek a romanticized and unrealistic idealized love. Thats why it's called romance, makes sense right? Well it's the truth. Many people are surprised to find that after the honeymoon phase ends its just life as usual. And many people lament losing the "spark" they once had. Couples have had this problem for ages, but here's the thing. Thats how its supposed to be! Do people not realize that romance and passion are fleeting and short lived? People think true love means to live in a constant fairy tale world where anger and frustration don't exist. Where its just you and prince charming riding into the sunset 24/7. Many people complain that their ex made them feel like that at first. That they were sure it was love but then it wasn't. Then these same people seek this sort of thing all over again! Is it not obvious that this elusive and short fused passion is not actually love? Its called attraction, passion and excitement. Its not love. Its a bit like living in misery all the time wondering why every day isn't like Christmas. Thats because well, every day can't be christmas! Its irrational, it's impossible and frankly, people who want it to be christmas every day are kidding themselves. I think most people will agree with me on that. However everyone seems to forget that not every day is going to be like their wedding day either.
True love however is very different. Oh sure, It can start the same way as immature puppy love. In fact it usually does! Attraction is key in romantic relationships. You can be fond of somebody all you want but really, if theres no desire to mate, well... theres no point in leaving the friend zone. Humans are animals too after all. True love is more sophisticated, and more consistent. Its built on a foundation of compassion, and constructed of mutual respect as human beings and decorated with passion! Trying to build a relationship based on feelings of initial passion and attraction is like trying to build a house out of just paint, carpet and wallpaper, yeah... good luck with that! Knowing that, its easy to see how foolish most peoples approach to love is. Yes, the house becomes a home when the floors, and paint and the yard are all set up. You add your own personal touches to it, thats what separates a home from a hotel room. And thats what separates a lover from a friend. However without the proper framing and foundation, in this case; love, respect and understanding. You cannot even be friends, much less lovers!
I've never liked the term "other half". That's a lie thats been spoon fed to us by media for a long time now. And again It's not true. You do not need a romantic partner to be deeply happy in life. And in actuality it is better to go without, unless you are in fact completely happy with yourself. People always say to themselves, "Wow, Im so miserable and empty inside, I must need a man/woman in my life!". And to this I say no, just... no. Thinking this way, you're missing a fundamental piece to the puzzle of life. The truth is that if you aren't happy alone you won't be happy together. Not truly happy anyways. I know, I use analogies a lot, but heres another one. Thinking romance is the answer to any emptiness or incompleteness in your life is like having a car thats broken and buying another car hoping that the first will start working again because of it! You cannot expect another person to provide what you don't have. many people go into relationships expecting their "other half". People think of themselves as 50% of a person all too often. And they get together with another 50% of a person thinking their life will be 100% complete. Well again its a lie. when it comes to people, two halves don't make a whole, they make... two halves. You still have two different troubled and incomplete people, you aren't them, and they aren't you. And as much as you want them to, no one can complete you as a person besides yourself.
Then what pray tell, is the point of love if you can be perfectly happy without it? Well obviously, we can't all be monks! But I think the point of love is both to continue the human species and to find an even greater amount of happiness for those who aren't exactly Zen masters (Ironically Zen-Buddhist monks are among the few sects allowed to marry, ha! ). Love is impossible if you cannot be a happy person all on your own. But most people agree that life is sweeter still with a lover by your side. Another thing is though, and many people may disagree with this, but you should not love your partner more than anyone else. Granted, they are a special person to you. But that doesn't mean they get more love than your mother, or friends (or in the buddhist case, all sentient beings). It's just a different kind of love, a different role altogether than other people in your life. So yes, if I ever get married I won't love my wife any more than my cousins, or grandparents, or my mother, or my friends. But I will simply love her in a way that I cannot love other people. Thats whats sad really, Is that people view love like a competition. "Who do you love more? me, or them??" any woman who says things like this to me will be out of my life in 10 seconds flat and don't think I'll shed one tear about it! Just because a spouse won't receive extra love compared to others that I love shouldn't matter. Because it is as I have said, It's not a competition. I will love her dearly, of course! But I love all sentient beings, and all of humanity. Love has no limits, I won't run out and if I love you as much as a friend it makes no difference.
When I fall in love that means to me that I've found a woman that I find attractive, that I believe will enhance my experience in life and will be able to support my heart, mind and spirituality. And most of all will bring me happiness. Thats what love is everyone, thats what true love is. People keep expecting love to mean they find someone who's attractive, and never makes them mad and makes them feel special all the time. Its vain, Its foolish, its not real! Peoples emptiness and/or ego makes them seek love desperately. Love is just something that happens really. And contrary to popular belief there may not be someone out there for all of us. but theres certainly no one out there that will fall truly in love with an incomplete, shell of a human being. This is the truth of love, and people need to realize it. People need to find out who they are, and to learn to love themselves first. You need to be your own person, no one else can provide that for you. People have to understand the difference between true love and momentary passion. Love is what stays even on the mundane and the bad days. It makes passion sweeter, it doesn't define it. Love is tolerance, love is kindness, love is something we should show to all. And if through loving all beings you find someone who is willing to live life by your side and provide some of the sweeter aspects of life to you, then be grateful! But romantic love is not the highest place one can be in life. There are much greater ambitions, much loftier goals, and much better ways to spend your time than actively looking for it. All who go out desperately hunting for love are acting foolish. And all who find it are truly blessed.
Thanks for reading, and I hope I helped you understand what love is just a little better. please email me if you have any further questions or comments (or leave them in the comment box) thanks again, and see you next time ^^ <3
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Warrior monks. oxymoronic? or sheer brilliance? the psychology of Shaolin.
Though I have only been a buddhist for a short time, I have been a martial artist, or at least a martial arts enthusiast for much longer. Now, Buddhism is a supremely peaceful religion, violence is not preferred under any circumstances. Yet at the same time It is a realistic religion, not an idealistic one. A proper Buddhist understands that violence is sometimes the only way to survive, it is unfortunate but it is the truth. when attacked by animals or aggressive criminals, all the wisdom and inner peace in the world will not help you. There are times where the minds stronger powers such as reason and compassion are either of no use or simply too slow to be useful. Enlightenment cannot stop a bullet, and compassion cannot calm a rabid dog. But still, buddhism teaches karma, meaning everything that happens is the result of a previous occurrence. So things such as this are often written off as unfortunately, unavoidable. Knowing this, one would think that Buddhism would specifically forbid training to fight. And that it is better to not worry about what /might/ happen and avoid violence anyway right? Not necessarily...
The best example of why this isn't necessarily true is that of the monks of Shaolin temple. Shaolin temple is a temple of the Mahayana Buddhist sect called cha'n (more commonly known as "Zen" Its Japanese pronunciation). The monks of this temple, while peaceful, happy and kind as any other Buddhist monks, just so happen to be some of the most powerful fighters in the world. Capable of smashing through rock, wood and steel with relative ease. And capable of taking hits so tremendously brutal that any other man would be reduced to a wailing pile of bruises and blood. They have been known to take crowbars to the head, baseball bats to the ribs and bricks to the face without so much as a fracture or a bloody nose. they hang by the throat for several hours and literally punch through concrete walls for training every day. Some report them even being able to take down a raging bull bare handed. they're that powerful. Now what on earth do Buddhist monks think they're doing practicing martial arts to such an extreme?? Well the answer to that lies in both the spirit of martial arts and buddhism as well as psychology. There is also a practical reason some monks practiced martial arts as well, The ancient and feudal age world was full of danger and lawlessness. A traveling monk was an easy target for bandits. Granted they didn't have much to steal. But you know how that goes. A temple is an even better place to rob, full of pacifist monks with lots of valuable food and supplies to steal, and no military guards. So naturally they had to defend themselves somehow. And it wasn't like nowadays, where guns overpower just about any martial art. In that time, a powerful martial artist was truly something for criminals to fear. So that is part of how monks and martial arts came to be connected. But this article is more about why they still do this in the modern world. And why they believe that martial arts actually improves their practice as buddhists.
Now its no secret, martial arts is awesome. When people think of martial arts, images of Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee might come to mind. But monks? like the Dalai Lama? what would they see in the martial arts? Well, the truth is that traditional martial arts are not just about kicking butt and taking names. Martial arts... proper martial arts, is also non violent and pro-peace. Its about training of the mind and body, and excellence of self. A healthy body leads to a healthier mind and a healthy mind to a healthier body. Its a beautiful cycle. Learning to fight and take down one opponent after another seems to clash with the buddhist desire for compassion and love. But thats not so... to master martial arts is to know confidence. to know confidence is to know courage, and to know courage is to know how to stay cool in dangerous situations. In a situation where you are attacked, one who does not know how to fight will only know fear. and fear leads to irrational decisions. The courageous and cool mind of a true martial artist and the compassionate and loving nature of buddhism is a perfect combination! It's just that martial arts serve the solider and the assassin just as well but for different reasons...
The Buddha once said, "you yourself, as much as anyone in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection". We can take this to mean that while we do not wish others to suffer, we do not wish ourselves to suffer either. So if you are fighting for yourself or another makes no difference. the point is to prevent needless suffering at the hands of another. But you do not want them to suffer needlessly either. Martial arts is perfect for filling that gap. A good martial artist can shut down an unskilled opponent with incredible swiftness. And that is an act of compassion. you cannot let yourself or another suffer at the hands of this aggressor. But if you don't know martial arts its hard to defend yourself without straight up killing the guy, or recklessly beating his face in with a rock or something. A martial artist is capable of dishing out a lot of long term and often lethal damage. But his hands are controlled and calculated. he can also win a conflict without causing any unnecessary suffering to his opponent. And many people are oddly enough, very eager to open up to a guy who can so easily hand them their arse on a silver platter, yet will help them to the hospital afterwards. it's the oldest form of winning instant respect.
So in summary, The logic behind martial arts in connection to Buddhism is that martial arts is an excellent way to improve the mind and body. Wisdom is a virtue, but one that often goes out the window when fear is involved. Same with compassion, fear causes us to become wild animals. Lack of action when a person is being hurt by another is not very compassionate. So martial arts is a way to shield yourself and the innocent from suffering while doing as little harm as possible to those with evil in their hearts. After all, we all have buddha nature, some people have just fallen off the path of awakening. It's actually a perfect way to spread compassion and master yourself to a much higher degree. They are only so strong because they have mastered the mysterious power of Qi (or ki). That is, internal energy, It is the ultimate power of the human species. And if you can master the body to such an extreme, certainly you are disciplined enough to attain full spiritual and mental enlightenment as well. And that is the connection between buddhism and martial arts. It seems a contradiction at a glance. But there is in fact, a very logical and powerful significance behind the practice.
Thank you dear readers. I will see you in the next article, may you all know peace and happiness ^^
The best example of why this isn't necessarily true is that of the monks of Shaolin temple. Shaolin temple is a temple of the Mahayana Buddhist sect called cha'n (more commonly known as "Zen" Its Japanese pronunciation). The monks of this temple, while peaceful, happy and kind as any other Buddhist monks, just so happen to be some of the most powerful fighters in the world. Capable of smashing through rock, wood and steel with relative ease. And capable of taking hits so tremendously brutal that any other man would be reduced to a wailing pile of bruises and blood. They have been known to take crowbars to the head, baseball bats to the ribs and bricks to the face without so much as a fracture or a bloody nose. they hang by the throat for several hours and literally punch through concrete walls for training every day. Some report them even being able to take down a raging bull bare handed. they're that powerful. Now what on earth do Buddhist monks think they're doing practicing martial arts to such an extreme?? Well the answer to that lies in both the spirit of martial arts and buddhism as well as psychology. There is also a practical reason some monks practiced martial arts as well, The ancient and feudal age world was full of danger and lawlessness. A traveling monk was an easy target for bandits. Granted they didn't have much to steal. But you know how that goes. A temple is an even better place to rob, full of pacifist monks with lots of valuable food and supplies to steal, and no military guards. So naturally they had to defend themselves somehow. And it wasn't like nowadays, where guns overpower just about any martial art. In that time, a powerful martial artist was truly something for criminals to fear. So that is part of how monks and martial arts came to be connected. But this article is more about why they still do this in the modern world. And why they believe that martial arts actually improves their practice as buddhists.
Now its no secret, martial arts is awesome. When people think of martial arts, images of Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee might come to mind. But monks? like the Dalai Lama? what would they see in the martial arts? Well, the truth is that traditional martial arts are not just about kicking butt and taking names. Martial arts... proper martial arts, is also non violent and pro-peace. Its about training of the mind and body, and excellence of self. A healthy body leads to a healthier mind and a healthy mind to a healthier body. Its a beautiful cycle. Learning to fight and take down one opponent after another seems to clash with the buddhist desire for compassion and love. But thats not so... to master martial arts is to know confidence. to know confidence is to know courage, and to know courage is to know how to stay cool in dangerous situations. In a situation where you are attacked, one who does not know how to fight will only know fear. and fear leads to irrational decisions. The courageous and cool mind of a true martial artist and the compassionate and loving nature of buddhism is a perfect combination! It's just that martial arts serve the solider and the assassin just as well but for different reasons...
The Buddha once said, "you yourself, as much as anyone in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection". We can take this to mean that while we do not wish others to suffer, we do not wish ourselves to suffer either. So if you are fighting for yourself or another makes no difference. the point is to prevent needless suffering at the hands of another. But you do not want them to suffer needlessly either. Martial arts is perfect for filling that gap. A good martial artist can shut down an unskilled opponent with incredible swiftness. And that is an act of compassion. you cannot let yourself or another suffer at the hands of this aggressor. But if you don't know martial arts its hard to defend yourself without straight up killing the guy, or recklessly beating his face in with a rock or something. A martial artist is capable of dishing out a lot of long term and often lethal damage. But his hands are controlled and calculated. he can also win a conflict without causing any unnecessary suffering to his opponent. And many people are oddly enough, very eager to open up to a guy who can so easily hand them their arse on a silver platter, yet will help them to the hospital afterwards. it's the oldest form of winning instant respect.
So in summary, The logic behind martial arts in connection to Buddhism is that martial arts is an excellent way to improve the mind and body. Wisdom is a virtue, but one that often goes out the window when fear is involved. Same with compassion, fear causes us to become wild animals. Lack of action when a person is being hurt by another is not very compassionate. So martial arts is a way to shield yourself and the innocent from suffering while doing as little harm as possible to those with evil in their hearts. After all, we all have buddha nature, some people have just fallen off the path of awakening. It's actually a perfect way to spread compassion and master yourself to a much higher degree. They are only so strong because they have mastered the mysterious power of Qi (or ki). That is, internal energy, It is the ultimate power of the human species. And if you can master the body to such an extreme, certainly you are disciplined enough to attain full spiritual and mental enlightenment as well. And that is the connection between buddhism and martial arts. It seems a contradiction at a glance. But there is in fact, a very logical and powerful significance behind the practice.
Thank you dear readers. I will see you in the next article, may you all know peace and happiness ^^
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
The Temple in my heart and a new path.
Well now. Its been some time since I've written anything and for that, my cherished readers I apologize. I have been without internet since mid-december and only got re-connected today! But wow, what an adventure Ive had in that time. Its been an incredible spiritual Journey. You see, after I went offline for a while I moved 1,800 miles from Reno NV to Houston TX. Very shortly after my online presence dissipated I made one of the most rewarding changes of my life. I went from being a very spiritually aware agnostic, to a devout Buddhist. And let me just say, I have never been happier. I have read a book called "The art of Happiness" by his Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet and Howard Cutler. It is basically a how to manual for achieving ultimate happiness. The kind of happiness that can only come from within. Since then I have drastically altered my plans in life and overall demeanor. Before, though spiritual and kind indeed, I was cruel, heartless and obsessed with money in comparison to now! I now plan to live the life of a spiritual hermit. Living on perhaps 150-$250 a month. Only enough to cover my basic needs such as toiletries, property tax and food I cannot grow myself, by renting a space on the land our family is going to buy and offering lessons In spiritualism and gardening to a willing apprentice. Almost as a monk in many ways. I would pursue monkhood but I do not feel like the traditional monastic lifestyle is for me. I am so at peace right now with everything in my life, that whether I have money or not means nothing in my heart, and I am happy inside regardless of outside circumstances. I don't know how It is that I never figured it out myself, but his Holiness really described the way to be happy in plain and simple directions. I highly recommend that book to everyone. I'll cover that in more detail in another article though.
This life of pure, unrestrained, and unselfish service to others and dedication to a spiritual life turns out to have been the ultimate goal to my happiness in life. I haven't even started yet and I feel almost overwhelmed with so much weight lifted off of my shoulders. I must learn a great deal about the buddhas teachings in the next five years, but for a practitioner of all of 2 1/2 months Id say I have an excellent grasp on the basics of his teachings. But I know I still have a very long way to go. I still get angry, I still feel lust toward the opposite sex and I still have moments of greed just as anyone else does. But these things are fading for me and fading quickly at that. Speaking of the opposite sex, I have taken a completely passive approach to dating, and now debate on whether I will bother seeking romantic love in my life at all. As I studied the Buddhas teachings I began to wonder about the desire for love, and how much that had made me suffer. Being here in Texas where my friends are has reminded me that good friends can mean as much to a person as a spouse without near as much put into having them. I refer back to my article "the real power of real friendship" in which I mentioned the incredible power of true friends. Seeking a mate is a long, complicated and tedious process, and the compromises I would have to make in my life to attract a woman to my side may not even be worth it for me personally. But having good friends handy has soothed my loneliness and all that remains of that desire is shameless sexuality. In reflecting on this, I realized that perhaps for me, a female companion is simply not in the cards. Despite how wonderful love can be, it can be very... distracting to one seeking spiritual enlightenment. I don't know that I can accomplish this by handing 50% of my being over to someone who is not equally dedicated to doing so. And for that reason I believe I may choose to remain single. That being said, If I meet an amazing girl who sees my way of life as something to be treasured and wishes to live the same way alongside me I would be open to such a love, but I have ceased actively pursuing romance, and that alone opens up many many possibilities for me.
Since beginning to walk the path, I have known great patience, tolerance, and compassion. And I did not realize how closed off and selfish I still was. It has always been a belief of mine that surprising yourself is an extremely good feeling. And yes I could say, "wow, was I really still that bad?" but I prefer to think, "wow, look how much Ive improved as a person in such a short time! I didn't know I was capable of such great compassion!" Because of this, my powers of empathy have grown even stronger. In many ways It feels like I was born to be a buddhist. How quickly and easily I grasp these concepts and how natural it feels for me to let go of anger and see the good in all beings is very unusual. It seems that many people cannot control these things without a great deal of effort. however for me it comes so naturally I almost do it instinctively. That does not mean however that I will allow myself to become arrogant and complacent. after all, my awakening is for the sake of all beings as well as myself, as is a popular buddhist concept. I love the path that the Buddha has layed before me. It is free of judgement and guilt. Free of harsh rules and inflexible traditions. And It is based on truth, not blind faith. It fills me with hope, for myself, for the ones I love personally and for the entirety of the human family. We are all equal, we all deserve happiness. There is much to come from now on dear readers, thank you for staying by me, thank you for reading. namaste ^^ see you next time!
This life of pure, unrestrained, and unselfish service to others and dedication to a spiritual life turns out to have been the ultimate goal to my happiness in life. I haven't even started yet and I feel almost overwhelmed with so much weight lifted off of my shoulders. I must learn a great deal about the buddhas teachings in the next five years, but for a practitioner of all of 2 1/2 months Id say I have an excellent grasp on the basics of his teachings. But I know I still have a very long way to go. I still get angry, I still feel lust toward the opposite sex and I still have moments of greed just as anyone else does. But these things are fading for me and fading quickly at that. Speaking of the opposite sex, I have taken a completely passive approach to dating, and now debate on whether I will bother seeking romantic love in my life at all. As I studied the Buddhas teachings I began to wonder about the desire for love, and how much that had made me suffer. Being here in Texas where my friends are has reminded me that good friends can mean as much to a person as a spouse without near as much put into having them. I refer back to my article "the real power of real friendship" in which I mentioned the incredible power of true friends. Seeking a mate is a long, complicated and tedious process, and the compromises I would have to make in my life to attract a woman to my side may not even be worth it for me personally. But having good friends handy has soothed my loneliness and all that remains of that desire is shameless sexuality. In reflecting on this, I realized that perhaps for me, a female companion is simply not in the cards. Despite how wonderful love can be, it can be very... distracting to one seeking spiritual enlightenment. I don't know that I can accomplish this by handing 50% of my being over to someone who is not equally dedicated to doing so. And for that reason I believe I may choose to remain single. That being said, If I meet an amazing girl who sees my way of life as something to be treasured and wishes to live the same way alongside me I would be open to such a love, but I have ceased actively pursuing romance, and that alone opens up many many possibilities for me.
Since beginning to walk the path, I have known great patience, tolerance, and compassion. And I did not realize how closed off and selfish I still was. It has always been a belief of mine that surprising yourself is an extremely good feeling. And yes I could say, "wow, was I really still that bad?" but I prefer to think, "wow, look how much Ive improved as a person in such a short time! I didn't know I was capable of such great compassion!" Because of this, my powers of empathy have grown even stronger. In many ways It feels like I was born to be a buddhist. How quickly and easily I grasp these concepts and how natural it feels for me to let go of anger and see the good in all beings is very unusual. It seems that many people cannot control these things without a great deal of effort. however for me it comes so naturally I almost do it instinctively. That does not mean however that I will allow myself to become arrogant and complacent. after all, my awakening is for the sake of all beings as well as myself, as is a popular buddhist concept. I love the path that the Buddha has layed before me. It is free of judgement and guilt. Free of harsh rules and inflexible traditions. And It is based on truth, not blind faith. It fills me with hope, for myself, for the ones I love personally and for the entirety of the human family. We are all equal, we all deserve happiness. There is much to come from now on dear readers, thank you for staying by me, thank you for reading. namaste ^^ see you next time!
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