Hello dear readers! This time I want to share some wisdom I have gained on one of the most important aspects of modern society, love. Specifically romantic love in this case. While it can be a wonderful thing that brings great joy in life, it's one of those things that can be toxic if you go about it wrong. The sad truth of the matter is that MOST people go about it all wrong. I have seen people young and old, truly and deeply in love and it still brings a tear to my eye. Lets face it, without it humanity could not survive. People fall in love, they mate, and they raise children together. And the better they are raised the better chance they have at life. Love is an essential part of this formula. Now yes, it can still happen without "true" love as a factor, but honestly, can two lovers be truly happy if they don't sincerely love one another? I should think not!
Many people seek a romanticized and unrealistic idealized love. Thats why it's called romance, makes sense right? Well it's the truth. Many people are surprised to find that after the honeymoon phase ends its just life as usual. And many people lament losing the "spark" they once had. Couples have had this problem for ages, but here's the thing. Thats how its supposed to be! Do people not realize that romance and passion are fleeting and short lived? People think true love means to live in a constant fairy tale world where anger and frustration don't exist. Where its just you and prince charming riding into the sunset 24/7. Many people complain that their ex made them feel like that at first. That they were sure it was love but then it wasn't. Then these same people seek this sort of thing all over again! Is it not obvious that this elusive and short fused passion is not actually love? Its called attraction, passion and excitement. Its not love. Its a bit like living in misery all the time wondering why every day isn't like Christmas. Thats because well, every day can't be christmas! Its irrational, it's impossible and frankly, people who want it to be christmas every day are kidding themselves. I think most people will agree with me on that. However everyone seems to forget that not every day is going to be like their wedding day either.
True love however is very different. Oh sure, It can start the same way as immature puppy love. In fact it usually does! Attraction is key in romantic relationships. You can be fond of somebody all you want but really, if theres no desire to mate, well... theres no point in leaving the friend zone. Humans are animals too after all. True love is more sophisticated, and more consistent. Its built on a foundation of compassion, and constructed of mutual respect as human beings and decorated with passion! Trying to build a relationship based on feelings of initial passion and attraction is like trying to build a house out of just paint, carpet and wallpaper, yeah... good luck with that! Knowing that, its easy to see how foolish most peoples approach to love is. Yes, the house becomes a home when the floors, and paint and the yard are all set up. You add your own personal touches to it, thats what separates a home from a hotel room. And thats what separates a lover from a friend. However without the proper framing and foundation, in this case; love, respect and understanding. You cannot even be friends, much less lovers!
I've never liked the term "other half". That's a lie thats been spoon fed to us by media for a long time now. And again It's not true. You do not need a romantic partner to be deeply happy in life. And in actuality it is better to go without, unless you are in fact completely happy with yourself. People always say to themselves, "Wow, Im so miserable and empty inside, I must need a man/woman in my life!". And to this I say no, just... no. Thinking this way, you're missing a fundamental piece to the puzzle of life. The truth is that if you aren't happy alone you won't be happy together. Not truly happy anyways. I know, I use analogies a lot, but heres another one. Thinking romance is the answer to any emptiness or incompleteness in your life is like having a car thats broken and buying another car hoping that the first will start working again because of it! You cannot expect another person to provide what you don't have. many people go into relationships expecting their "other half". People think of themselves as 50% of a person all too often. And they get together with another 50% of a person thinking their life will be 100% complete. Well again its a lie. when it comes to people, two halves don't make a whole, they make... two halves. You still have two different troubled and incomplete people, you aren't them, and they aren't you. And as much as you want them to, no one can complete you as a person besides yourself.
Then what pray tell, is the point of love if you can be perfectly happy without it? Well obviously, we can't all be monks! But I think the point of love is both to continue the human species and to find an even greater amount of happiness for those who aren't exactly Zen masters (Ironically Zen-Buddhist monks are among the few sects allowed to marry, ha! ). Love is impossible if you cannot be a happy person all on your own. But most people agree that life is sweeter still with a lover by your side. Another thing is though, and many people may disagree with this, but you should not love your partner more than anyone else. Granted, they are a special person to you. But that doesn't mean they get more love than your mother, or friends (or in the buddhist case, all sentient beings). It's just a different kind of love, a different role altogether than other people in your life. So yes, if I ever get married I won't love my wife any more than my cousins, or grandparents, or my mother, or my friends. But I will simply love her in a way that I cannot love other people. Thats whats sad really, Is that people view love like a competition. "Who do you love more? me, or them??" any woman who says things like this to me will be out of my life in 10 seconds flat and don't think I'll shed one tear about it! Just because a spouse won't receive extra love compared to others that I love shouldn't matter. Because it is as I have said, It's not a competition. I will love her dearly, of course! But I love all sentient beings, and all of humanity. Love has no limits, I won't run out and if I love you as much as a friend it makes no difference.
When I fall in love that means to me that I've found a woman that I find attractive, that I believe will enhance my experience in life and will be able to support my heart, mind and spirituality. And most of all will bring me happiness. Thats what love is everyone, thats what true love is. People keep expecting love to mean they find someone who's attractive, and never makes them mad and makes them feel special all the time. Its vain, Its foolish, its not real! Peoples emptiness and/or ego makes them seek love desperately. Love is just something that happens really. And contrary to popular belief there may not be someone out there for all of us. but theres certainly no one out there that will fall truly in love with an incomplete, shell of a human being. This is the truth of love, and people need to realize it. People need to find out who they are, and to learn to love themselves first. You need to be your own person, no one else can provide that for you. People have to understand the difference between true love and momentary passion. Love is what stays even on the mundane and the bad days. It makes passion sweeter, it doesn't define it. Love is tolerance, love is kindness, love is something we should show to all. And if through loving all beings you find someone who is willing to live life by your side and provide some of the sweeter aspects of life to you, then be grateful! But romantic love is not the highest place one can be in life. There are much greater ambitions, much loftier goals, and much better ways to spend your time than actively looking for it. All who go out desperately hunting for love are acting foolish. And all who find it are truly blessed.
Thanks for reading, and I hope I helped you understand what love is just a little better. please email me if you have any further questions or comments (or leave them in the comment box) thanks again, and see you next time ^^ <3
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